We all carry the weight and responsibilities of our day to day lives. In general, most of us as adults wake up with some obligation, and expectation from jobs, families, partners, ourselves or a combination of all these. The truth is and as a man sometimes a hard pill to swallow is that we are not machines. At some point our minds and or our bodies will tell us we need to rest.
How do we rest, reset and recharge? How do we know when it is rest and when it is avoidance? They look very similar on the outside. The difference is what follows this period.
Rest has shape and purpose, “I’ll take tonight off, take a break, get sleep, read, or go for an evening slow walk, and then in the morning I’ll be ready”. Avoidance is putting it off, “I’ll deal with that later” and then place that on repeat for days, weeks, or months, even.
Rest should reduce tension and stress and help us regain our perspective. Where Avoidance, will actually increase and compound tension. The thing you are putting off, following you around in the background of your mind.
So, how do we avoid…avoidance?
Let’s build on intentional recovery. We can choose something that helps us reconnect instead of numbing or distancing ourselves. Below is what I have uncovered for myself:
- Walking outside, no phone, no headphones
- Lifting weights and not making it punishment
- Reading something that nourishes your mind, instead of doomscrolling
- Writing anything for 30 minutes, no purpose or guidelines
- Playing guitar, making music with nothing in mind but the sounds
- Sit in a sunrise, or at dusk
- Spend time with people who don’t require performance from you
- Getting real, actual sleep
The goal is to gain capacity and not to return with less. In order to keep this balance, let’s set boundaries on rest. “I’ll take tonight to recover” or ” I need a weekend to fully reset, not a week to disappear.” I mention this boundary because I have fallen victim to this seemingly unlimited “break”. Avoidance thrives in undefined space. When I struggle to set a boundary, this lets me know that I’m not planning recovery. I am trying not to feel or deal with something.
In all honesty, sometimes we genuinely need deep long rest. I think of Forrest Gump and when Jenny finally came home and “slept like she hadn’t slept in years”. Seriously, burnout is real, grief is real, and exhausting. Emotional exhaustion is real, being productive all the time is not strength.
But if every form of rest leaves you more removed, anxious, and emotionally disconnected, it could be retreat or avoidance.
Good healthy rest will eventually reopen the door to creativity, conversation, responsibility and purpose. Avoidance goes and locks the door because “we’re safer in here”.
Our goal isn’t to withdraw it is to learn to return.